I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Vodka?
Forever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
