Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
