dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
