Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
