seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
