No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
