I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
