does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
