So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
