Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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