Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
