is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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