so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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