i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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