today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
