they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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