Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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