I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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