I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
