She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
