Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
