i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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