No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
