Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
