Already got asked if we're dating
We named our party play list daddy issues
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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