how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am one with the molecules
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
