3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
