I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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