I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
