The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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