yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
