apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
