know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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