It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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