I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
