Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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