Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
