All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
