Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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