That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I understand Curling. That high.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
