so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
