Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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