I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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