i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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