Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so that wasnt chicken after all
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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