u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
