Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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