Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
