So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
