Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
