I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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