the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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