oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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