How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
