I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
