how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Randomize
