my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
